Tag Archives: controversy

Don’t hate Samantha Brick because she’s beautiful (but you might hate her for writing about it…)

6 Apr

I found out about this extraordinary little article with the overly-long headline–There are downsides to looking this pretty’: Why women hate me for being beautiful–by British journalist Samantha Brick through some friends on Facebook.  My reaction to the article was “wow, that’s a ridiculous, trite and mediocre article,” but their reaction, and the reactions of a whole lot of other people, has been pretty virulent.   I can totally understand why, too….

Brick makes a point to tell us, right off the bat, that she gets free things from men all the time because of how “beautiful” she is, and that women are very mean to her because of her beauty…..

Honestly, the opening paragraphs of the story, where Brick details all the gifties is pretty hard to read because she gives the impression that she blows off all this attention as par for the course:

“. . .And whenever I’ve asked what I’ve done to deserve such treatment, the donors of these gifts have always said the same thing: my pleasing appearance and pretty smile made their day.

While I’m no Elle Macpherson, I’m tall, slim, blonde and, so I’m often told, a good-looking woman. I know how lucky I am. But there are downsides to being pretty — the main one being that other women hate me for no other reason than my lovely looks. . .”

The “luck” seems to be that she’s been genetically gifted with certain looks.  But the “luck” is in the getting of said gifts–and making a point to give us three examples and the impression that this sort of thing happens on a daily basis.

Now, over the years, I’ve had my share of men who have thought I’m fabulous–the thing is, though, in the grander scheme of things, in the grander scheme of my awful ex husband, the bullies in middle and high school, and the nasty thugs in nightclubs,  hearing about it tends to be a rare occasion.  A giftie is an even more rare.  Maybe that’s American men, or maybe it’s that  I’m just an old broad now and was out of circulation when Brick was getting her attention.   But when I have received gifts, I’ve been pretty well shocked and amazed by them.  I don’t expect anything from anyone, so it’s pretty much a “wow, what’s *that* all about?” kind of thing.  I will be gracious and say “thank you” to the person, probably blush, but….wow….I certain wouldn’t think it’s necessarily going to happen again…

Maybe that comes from living in a place that’s saturated with media–where we are constantly surrounded by the plastic surgeried and way-too photoshopped stars and starlettes.   We are continually told that they are so far superior to us, but that if we just work out hard enough, and maybe make enough money to fix ourselves up, that maybe, we, too, can be as gorgeous beauteous beauties as they are…..Oh horse puckey!

When I was in college, there was a chick in the house I lived in, who made it a point to always tell us how much men loved her because she was a six-foot tall blonde  (sorry I’m just a stumpy brunette.)  I always thought her constant statements to this effect, and her constant bragging about how much sex she was getting, came from a deep and annoying well of insecurity.

I sort of feel the same way about Brick–that there’s something lurking deep-down that propelled her to write this article–which yammers on and on and on, in a rather narcissistic manner, about how hard it is to be Brick.   It’s that exact narcissistic tone that causes the reader–in particular, this reader– to be less than sympathetic.   There’s a fine line between healthy self-esteem and narcissism, and thinking and writing as if you are the  *only* woman with this particular problem, doesn’t help you make your case.   Seriously.  Brick couldn’t find any other women who’ve had these sorts of things happen to them?  Really?  Did she even bother to find any?  Or was this all the exercise in vanity that it sounds like?

 

Granted, I won’t get a free bottle of champagne from a pilot any time soon–but maybe that has more to do with the fact that I fly usually wearing comfortable clothing, no makeup, never First Class, and on Sardine Can Airlines, where I doubt they even know what Champale looks like…..

 

Which raises another issue about Brick’s plight that might make some sense of it:  Western Culture sees the tall, slim blonde as the “golden girl,” a White Anglo-Saxon Protestant Ideal Woman.  It’s what makes millions of women spend millions of dollars on millions of bottles of hair color every year so that they might appear to be a Golden Girl Goddess.  The satirical novel “The Bergdorf Blondes” lampoons a particular kind of  upper-class New York based Golden WASP Girl that still makes her home in NYC (and probably always will–because she has social class status.)   So, I’m sure that, when certain men see Samantha Brick, she strikes a chord with them, sends a signal that she may be some upper crusty Golden Goddess Girl.

 

So what?   So what if that’s what some men believe her to be.  I understand why some of the people I know may have been really peeved by Brick’s little tirade, but I don’t get why so many others should be so darned peeved.   To me, it seems like the public’s reaction to Brick’s narcissistic narrative was just as bad and almost pathological.  I probably won’t come up against this woman in my lifetime, so why should I take what she’s written so personally and try to knock her off her self-erected pedestal?    When I think about it, it seems that a whole lot of people have a whole lot of spare time to get themselves all worked up over some overly self-important Brit.

 

In my world, I’ve got bigger fish to fry–other things to do, better people to read about and good friends to hang out with.  I can’t be bothered looking up and reading any of the negative nonsense directed at Brick.  Reading her article was enough thankyouverymuch for me think she’s a very silly woman who I can ignore while I get on with the business of my life, and making my life better.   What really matters is how I feel about me, and what Brick feels about herself has no impact on me.

 

So, no, Samantha Brick, I don’t hate you–and that doesn’t mean I think you’re as beautiful as you say you are, or that I’m as pretty as you are, or that neither of us is all that hot.  It just means that I’m perfectly happy about me,  and I don’t need to dredge up vitriol for someone I’ll never meet.  I don’t need the negativity that comes with “hating” or wanting to hurt someone because of what she thinks of herself.

 

And neither should you, dear readers.  Neither should you.

How to feel good about the way you look, without having plastic surgery like Megan Fox

30 Mar

One of my favorite snarky reads (and I don’t read a lot of snark. who needs the negativity?) is Jezebel.com.  And today the blog raised a very important issue regarding plastic surgery and self-esteem.  In It’s Going to be Awkward When Megan Fox’s Baby  Comes Out With Megan Fox’s Old Nose Dodai Stewart contemplates what might go on when the plastic surgery’d star comes face to face with her original face in tiny baby form.  Can she consider her own baby beautiful?:

It’s curious to me, because I wonder if you can tell your daughter that she is beautiful and lovely — and mean it — if she has the old nose that you hated. Or, if you can, do you realize what you’re saying? You’re saying that your old nose, the one you had sliced open, destroyed and rebuilt by a doctor, is actually not that bad.

My Mom had a nosejob.  Luckily, neither my sister nor myself came out with my Mom’s hawklike original nose.  But that’s ok.  My nose came out like the other noses on Mom’s side of the family, so I ended up looking partly like them anyway.  Even if I did come out with that hawklike nose, who knows what it would have looked like on the rest of my face, which is, after all, part my Dad.

Unfortunately, now, in my 50′s, it’s the jowly part of my Dad’s face…

Later in the post, Stewart brings up how Fox has had around $60 grand worth of plastic surgery, and *still* feels bad about herself.  That’s kind of sad, when you think about it.  The post notes that Fox told Rolling Stone that she has low self-esteem and feels “insecure about everything.”   It sounds like Fox will never be able to get enough things about herself surgically fixed in order to feel good about herself.

Bottom line is this:  we can’t surgically fix away whatever it is that is bothering us that would make us dramatically re-arrange our faces and bodies.  In my Mother’s case, and also in mine, it was people in our lives, people who were supposed to love us, and didn’t, that contributed to our low self-esteem.  My Father was not the nicest person, and being in a marriage with him took its toll on my Mother and me.

The biggest contributing factor to low self-esteem is how the people who are supposed to love us treat us, not whether or physical appearance is or is not a certain standard of perfect, nor all the bullying we experience at school.  If those people in our homes do not love and accept themselves, they are incapable of loving us, and thus our self-image and self-esteem becomes damaged at its core.

Nowadays, while I’m far from the perfection that is someone like Megan Fox, I’m not unhappy. I’m pretty darned happy. Sure, there are photos of me out there that are pretty godawful, that even I look at them and go “ack! what a frumpy old lady!!” But occasionally, when my makeup’s right, and I’ve had a good night’s sleep, and I’ve bothered to make an effort with my wardrobe, I’m not all that frightening.

As a matter of fact, here is Megan Fox and me, side by side:

Keep in mind that Fox is a movie star, more than 20 yrs younger than me, and has had a bunch of plastic surgery. I haven’t even had Botox, and I’m over 50. Oh and the pic was taken by me, in a bathroom mirror in a hotel in Lower Manhattan and not photoshopped in any way. I blame my good complexion on my Mom ;) …..

That’s part of what makes me not feel bad about myself–my good skin.  The other part consists of  taking care of health; making sure my makeup is done right; wearing clothes that are modern and well-fitting.  Oh, and a lot of emotional work on myself,  a group of very good friends,  love, and some admiration from time to time….

Because beauty comes from the inside, and not what one does on the outside. Especially as one gets older….

It’s sad that Megan Fox appears to have such a deep hole of insecurity that not even a beautiful, new baby might fill.

For the baby’s sake, I hope that’s not the case.

What is Female Beauty? : Transgendered Beauty Queen disqualified from Miss Universe Canada

27 Mar

UPDATE: As of April 2, 2012 the Trump Organization has reversed its decision and will allow Jenna Talackova to compete in the Miss Universe Canada pageant.

Jenna Talackova “knew” she was a girl at age 4, even though she was in a boy’s body.  By the age of 19, she’d undergone gender reassignment surgery.  Shortly afterward she began competing in beauty pageants for transgendered individuals.  Her goal has been to go beyond trans pageants, and she found herself representing Vancouver and about to compete for the title of Miss Universe Canada…..that is, until she was disqualified…

Various reports on Ms. Talackova’s disqualification have raised the question of whether or not she should have been disqualified because she is transgendered.  The reason for the disqualification, however, is somewhat more complicated.  The Miss Universe Pageant–a franchise owned by Donald Trump–in its rules states specifically that a contestant must be naturally born female.  According to a pageant representative–shown in this CTV report–Ms. Talackova misrepresented herself and was thus disqualified from the pageant.

Ms. Talackova is searching for legal representation and is seeking to file a discrimination suit against the pageant.

While there appears to be sentiment favoring Ms. Talackova, the reports I’ve seen do not show anyone who may not care if Ms. Talackova is transgendered, but also may feel that she violated the rules of the Miss Universe Pageant.

It makes me wonder if there are other rules–such as those governing excessive facial plastic surgery or specifically breast implants–that might disqualify a naturally born contenstant.  Does the standard of “natural born female” apply only to those who have not had surgery to change their gender?  It would seem to me that these are important questions.  If a biological female can dramatically alter her appearance with plastic surgery, does that make her then *not* a natural born beauty, even though she is a female?  And might that also be a consideration when we consider beauty….

In our new century, the idea of “beauty” for some, has more to do with art and artifice, in the altering of oneself with cosmetics, fake hair, teeth wihitening, and padded bras.  For some, it goes as far as to have surgery, thus correcting and making “beautiful” what might have been considered plain or ordinary by some arbitrary and mostly subjective standard.

Pageants themselves are artificial and, IMO, ridiculous. What is their true point and purpose except to give some women an advantage over others based on how well they can alter their physical appearance and present the image of ideal feminine beauty.

Do we really need these kinds of ideals anymore?  Do we really need young women competing for scholarships based not necessarily on their intelligence but on their physical appearance and some semblance of talent (usually a talent that is associated with upper economic classes.)   Or are beauty pageants and their scholarships the equivalent of the football scholarships for young men?

But back to Ms. Talackova’s dilemma.   Is it really discrimination or just a matter of her violating the rules and misrepresenting herself?  And what of the natural born female contestants and radical plastic surgery?  If a female who has undergone radical plastic surgery–along the lines of, say, a Heidi Montag level of surgery–would she still be allowed to compete?  If so, what does that say about female beauty? that it is best when it is altered by a surgeon’s knife than when it is natural?

If the pageant allows for radical surgery on natural born women, then it seems to me that radical surgery to appear and become exactly like a natural born woman, both inside and out, would make it possible for a transgendered person to compete in a non-trans beauty pageant.

And then it should make us question not just the idea of pageants overall, but how skewed the pageant industry has become on the issue of “natural” born and beautiful female.

Just my $.02

Sunday Editorial: We are all Gloria Steinem Now

25 Mar

it doesn't matter who we are anymore, or our power in media. We all have media, we all have power. We are all leaders of the women's movement.....

Last Sunday, the New York Times ran two stories on Gloria Steinem, both in the Fashion & Style section.   Many of us wondered why these articles were relegated to the “women’s pages” of the Fashion & Style section, and there was some outcry to this effect.  Yet the world has changed greatly since Gloria Steinem, especially the media world, and that the singular rise of social media has given all women the power to be what only one was capable of attaining in a broadcast and paper media world.

The first–Gloria Steinem, A Woman Like no Other–gives a short overview of Steinem’s activism, notes the current situation with the Komen Foundation and the rise of social media.  Overall, the article questions why there isn’t one single leader for women with the unique combination of personal qualities that made Steinem an iconic leader of the women’s movement in the 60′s and 70′s.   There is the admission that there are now “feminisms” vs. one monolithic feminism, and that, in the 21st century, there is “a more inchoate sense of feminist leadership.”  Steinem herself does not see this as a negative, and states, in an email, how “It’s obviously a great sign of growth and success that the media no longer try to embody the bigness and diversity of the women’s movement in one person.”

Indeed!

The second article–My Roommate, Gloria–is a sweet puff piece on how Shelby Knox, while a college student, came to share a New York apartment with Steinem.   In the early years of this century, the press and many others, were ready to anoint Knox the next leader of the feminist movement.  However, it wasn’t necessarily to be.  Knox now works as director of women’s rights organizing for Change.org, and says she is happy to be writing press releases rather than being the subject of press releases.

Maybe this is a part of the “why we don’t have a single feminist leader these days” is that no young woman necessarily wants to be the sole voice of an entire movement.  The glut of mainstream media keeps the camera in one’s face far longer than it should be, and probes the  personal lives or public figures in a manner that might have been considered inappropriate 40 or 50 years ago (think Clinton vs. JFK.)

The 24-hour news cycle has perhaps taught us that only very strong, or very narcissistic, people survive the glare of the modern-day spotlight with their psyches in tact.

Yet the other aspect of all this media is that we have a thriving “people’s media” landscape on the Internet.  The Voice of the People, channelled through various social media platforms, what marketers bemoaned with the Motrin Moms, has become the force for change that got the Komen Foundation to back down from their anti-Planned Parenthood initiative, Rush Limbaugh to lose face for his attempt to shame Sara Fluke, and is currently bringing shame to the Sanford, Florida police department in the Trayvon Martin murder case.

What started–around the time of Shelby Knox–as a “disreputable” and  troubling form of “new journalism,” the blog, the forum, the chatroom, and other forms of what we now called social media, are the places where groups rally around those who first hear the message, then spread the message.  We hear about protests against Limbaugh, and we spread the links to friends on Facebook and Twitter, who spread the links to their friends.  We write about the incidents on our blogs, which are now picked up by Google, which leads to readers that then click the links to other stories or petitions and get others to act.

In the 21st century, with our dispersed and populist media landscape, we have important stories–stories that require activism to create change–dispersed and made viral like never before.  The populist media that so many feared might lead to something bad, is actually forcing change for the good–and is bringing awareness to women’s issues that most of us felt were resolved with the women’s rights struggles of the 70′s.

So maybe, in the 21st century, it’s not the monolithic leader, the attractive and photogenic young woman—a Gloria Steinem– who becomes the image and voice of the woman’s movement, but all of us who use social media platforms to spread information, who are already the voices of a new women’s movement.  Perhaps we are, as the NYT noticed–in the “inchoate” phase of a new, stronger women’s movement that better represents the needs of women across the country.

All that’s needed, right now, are women who spread the word to other women.  It’s the groundswell that demonstrates the power of women.

Maybe at some time, when we are confronted again with situations where only one leader can speak,  one leader will emerge.   Yet that might not even be the case any more.  We may simply have women like Sara Fluke, who have to speak for us in special instances.  There is no doubt that our world has changed because of social media, and so, the ways in which leadership emerges in this new landscape will be different.

Only time will tell.

“The Hunger Games” costumer Judianna Makovsky combines past, current looks for film

23 Mar

Today opens the much-anticipated (and hyped) film  “The Hunger Games,” a dystopian fantasy where poor young people are pitted against one another in a battle to the death.  But have you noticed what they’re wearing?  I certainly have noticed, and not necessarily the garb on the star-crossed young folk, played by Jennifer Lawrence and Josh Hutcherson (who, in the story, are given their own stylists), but also the clothing and coiffures on actors Stanley Tucci, Wes Bentley, and Elizabeth Banks….

Poor horrible, horrible Effie. I'd rather fight for my life than have to wear this get-up. yeesh!

I’ve been fascinated by the horrific-looking Effie Trinket,  that Ga Ga-esque fuscha nightmare, replete with leg-o-mutton sleeves like I haven’t seen since the 1980′s.  What about Tucci’s blue samurai haircut, Bentley’s weird facial hair, and that the residents of District 12 look like they stepped out of a King Vidor film of the 1930′s.  Well, there’s no coincidence here.  Costume designer Judianna Makovsky (also the costume designer for the Harry Potter films), spoke about her work and influences to the Los Angeles Times and InStyle.com , with the latter of the two a little more (perhaps inappropriately) enthusiastic about translating the film’s looks to our world.

Makovsky, however, was most interested in keeping the looks consistent with descriptions in the book.  For Katniss Everdean’s “girl on fire dress” Makovsky says:  “I wanted the dress to be red, but not so covered in stones that it would look like something out of Dancing With the Stars…”  And, of course, the dress doesn’t actually burst into real flames–CGI helped in that department.

Many of the designers who influenced Makovsky’s “Capitol Couture” fashions include Alexander McQueen, Jean Paul Gaultier, Rodarte, and Elsa Schiaparelli, queen of surrealist fashion design in the 1930;s and 40′s.  So it’s no wonder that I’m seeing the 1980′s, since Gaultier and McQueen’s work was highly influential back then–and certain motifs and themes keep getting recycled into 21st century fashion.  The Capitol dwellers have been described as “opulent” and other word to connote their high-fashion status.  But with the colored-hair wigs (green, pink, etc) I can’t help but think of the sad-looking women with bizarrely colored wigs in Stanley Kubrick’s classic A Clockwork Orange–another dystopian society movie with kids as the main focus.

A purple-haired pub waitress in Stanley Kubrick's "A Clockwork Orange."

Wardrobe for Katniss and other District 12 dwellers is most definitely influenced by workwear of the past.  Makovsky looked at photos from that time period, to get a better sense of everyday fashion. Since there are always more regular folk than fashionistas, the numbers of costumes for the extras (as well as the principals) came from a combination of vintage finds and costumes hand-made and fitted for the film.  With roughly 600 charater extras, there wound up being a total of 1800 costumes just for this group alone!

Makovsky says she hopes that many of the costumes will go on display somewhere after the movie.

Yet there’s another rather silly and superfluous side to all this great costuming.  Lion’s Gate, the Hunger Games film company, decided to go all out with their social media promotions for the film, including a tumblr titled Capitol Couture.  This has to be one of the worst sites I’ve ever seen: everything from the dull colors to the District Style Challenges screams promotion desperation.

Seriously, this is a dystopian film.  Lots of people get killed.  You want to dress like the idiots of the Capitol and the “citizens” who are marked for death?  Really?  That kind of promotion seems tacky and jaundiced, and almost seems to highlight an ironic mocking of fans and moviegoers.  Same can be said for a feature at InStyle.com, which talks about Katniss’ spring style.  Really???  That’s like the Lisabeth Salanader look for H&M.    All I can do is chalk this stuff up to the annals of “When Film Promotions Go Horribly Wrong.”    If film companies and p.r. departments are looking to capture some sort of fashion zeitgeist of these films, they really can’t.  The looks speak for themselves, and audiences will adopt those looks if they find them cool.  Companies cannot manufacture that kind of fashion passion.  It just happens.  Trying to manufacture it only makes them look like the people we’re supposed to be rooting against in films like The Hunger Games.  How Ironic.

 

Madonna’s Outrageous Super Bowl Look Eerily Reminiscent of Madeline Kahn as Empress Nympho

6 Feb

in Mel Brook’s History of the World Part I.


And I can imagine that auditions to be part of Madonna’s honor guard (the guys in the Roman gear who carried the bier she rode in on) went something like this (not that there’s anything wrong with it, mind you…):

ShoeDazzle.com Update: 3 Reasons why I haven’t ordered yet

28 Dec

I joined ShoeDazzle.com back in May, and have yet to place an order.   There are 2 reasons for this and most of them came to me well before the rumors of a Kardashian sweat shop in China and child labor cropped up.

First, consider the $39.95 price.   After over six months of reviewing a variety of styles, most of the shoe materials are “man-made.”   When photos of products are enlarged to view them better, the quality of the workmanship appears to be comparable to a $24.95 pair of shoes from Payless.

Second, many of the heels are either incredibly high or incredibly frumpy.  It’s not that I’m such an “old lady” that I don’t wear high-heeled platforms.  In fact, I have several pairs of well-made, high quality platform shoes with 4.5 inch heels.  I’m not about to risk my ankles to a pair of high, high heels when the surface workmanship doesn’t appear to be all that stellar. And order a lower heeled shoe?  Have you seen them?  Many of the lower-heel styles look like they came from the back of my closet–in the 1980s.  I will make an exception for the flats, some of which are rather cute, but the site does not offer a view of the interior of the shoes.  With flats, I like to see how they are stitched and what the insoles looks like.  I may, however, take a chance with a pair of flats.

Third, many of the styles are downright ugly or appear more than once under different names.  Just look at Rika and Mayci.  Same shoe, different material. 

I’m less than impressed…..

As for other products on the ShoeDazzle.com site, well, the one purse that I thought I might like to order, a small evening bag with a skull clasp that resembled this Alexander McQueen skull clasp bag sold out in no time flat.  All the other styles of bags and jewelry have left me feeling, well, kind of flat.  Not anything I would necessarily carry nor wear.

Bottom line:  I’m not all that thrilled with ShoeDazzle.com, and my expectations for its products are not real high.  That being the case, perhaps I won’t be too disappointed.  Except perhaps by the price.

Curvy cover girls grace June Vogue Italia

6 Jun

I was super shocked to see these gorgeous pics of real, curvy women from the June 2011 Vogue Italia shot by photographer Steven Meisel. . .

Lately (in the U.S. anyway) “curvy” has become synonymous with extremely overweight. While that may make women who are extremely overweight feel good about their figures, it ends up giving many of us who are actually curvy a bit  of a complex about being curvy.  I can certainly empathize with extremely overweight women –to a degree–but I also feel really, really peeved that we have this either/or thing in our world: either you are skinny and fashionable, or curvy and grossly overweight. This either/or malarkey does nothing for those of us who are somewhere in between no breasted boyish bodies and over-fed overweight bodies.  Here’s one of the shots so you can see what I mean:

most men think this woman's sexy. so, why doesn't the fashion industry?

And check out this slide show on the Vogue Italia site to see some of the controversy that’s been stirred up.

(hat tip to Fashion Gone Rogue )