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How to fix Kris Jenner’s latest fashion faux pas

24 Mar

Ah, the Kardashians!  We, the people, have probably had enough of them, but the gossip press sure hasn’t.  The latest was a smack in the tush to K-Momma Kris Jenner for this outfit, which was described as “too young for her age”.   Most of the criticism of the outfit was levelled at the pants.   Those, however, seem the least egregious to me.  After all, you can find that color in pretty much any “old lady” department.  So, I’m certainly not offended by the color–and quite glad they aren’t embroidered with little penguins or umbrellas all over them.

Likewise the black tee isn’t a faux pas.  It’s your usual tee, no biggie.

Where, then, does the outfit start to fall apart?  It’s the accessories!  Let’s start with the shoes:

OMG, where *does* one start with these fashion travesties!  Leopard clogs with something like a six-inch heel.  You have *got* to be joking.  This style, as well as the huge-heeled covered wedge shoes (which I like to refer to as “Frankenstein boots”) and sky-high pumps are, for most occasions, for the young. They tend to give one’s feet an outsized Olive Oyl/Minnie Mouse/Daisy Duck appearance,  and appear to be oh so cute on,  skinny girls in very, very short skirts.

In a term, they’re ugly, and don’t compliment the  pants, esp. if you’re out running errands.  Who wants to run errands in six-inch heels??  Either a flat (if one insists on leopard) or  a mid-heel neutral toned pump would look great with this kind of pant.

The next set of accessories send the death knell to the outfit:

Oh, gosh, where do we start!  First, the hat: what we would call a fedora and the Daily Mail UK calls a trilby.  Whether trilby or fedora, it actually ages Jenner, whom the Daily Mail describes as looking “much younger than her 56 years” (and she might if she laid off half the accessories she’s sporting.)

Next, let’s tackle 3 in succession:  earrings, bag and jacket.  The earrings simply look trashy, as if they came from a Claire’s shop in the local mall.  Sure, wear a big dangling earring if you like, but not a pair that would look better on someone in high school.  The bag, too, is cheap-looking.  Perhaps an oversize bag is great for shopping, but between the leopard heels and the pink pants, a silver over-sized bag is over-kill.   And then the cropped jacket.  Well, at any age, unless you are wildly thin, a cropped jacket will make your rear end look larger than that of the average school bus.   If you have a penchant for motorcycle jackets–even if you don’t own one–an average length men’s style would have looked better here.  Or, quite frankly, a tuxedo-style suit jacket couldn’t go wrong.

Now, take a look at how daughter Kim accessorized an equally bright pair of blue denims: In this case, daughter really does know best:  Kim wears flat sandals with a matching large bag, light-colored neutral toned tee, cropped tuxedo style jacket, and simple large hoop earrings.  The outfit looks just as effortless and far more polished…..

Which brings up one of my most important points for women over 40:  When dressing in trends, make sure you do not look like a throwback to your teens or 20′s.  Kris’s tough chick black-silver-leopard accessories in many, many ways give the look an 80′s gloss.  Nothing will age a woman more than futile attempts to replay her past in her current wardrobe.

Which reminds me:  K-Momma might want to think about getting that signature black dyed short haircut a rest.  That’s another 80′s style relic.  I did it too, back in the ’80′s,  but would never, never think of going back to that.  My gosh! It would be like wearing a pompadour with a fishtail!  While it may look cute and retro on someone in her 20′s,  it won’t make anyone in her 50′s look cute.  She’ll look just retro–like a puffy-sleeved dress in an antique clothing store.

SO…..the moral of the story is:  it’s not the pop-of-color pants that cause the fashion faux pas, it’s the poorly chosen and badly matched 80′s influenced accessories.  If you feel you’d like a pair of brights, go right ahead, but make sure you accessorize in a polished, modern way.

Bests and Worsts from the Oscars 2012 (and one horrific Grammy look)

1 Mar

Whew! It’s been awhile since I posted…and in that time we had two high-profile awards shows with some incredible–and incredibly awful–fashions.  I’ve got to say that the Oscars were the far more fabulous show, while the Grammys left me wondering “what the heck was that?”  Although I believe some of the soberness was owed to the death of Whitney Houston the night before the show, which may have caused some celebs to make last-minute wardrobe changes.  Therefore, I only have one outstandingly horrid Grammy choice–one that could have easily been averted with minor tweaks.

That being said, I will proceed with a few of my favorite Oscar looks (the rest you can find at Pinterest on my Oscars Best-Worst 2012  board.) Oh, one final thought:  I read a gazillion Best-Worst Dressed articles from both the U.S. and U.K. and there was no hands-down winner that *everyone* though was either the best or the worst.  Fashion is starting to take on the vibe of surrealist literature: either you get it, or you don’t, but who decides whether you’re getting it right or not getting it at all is a subjective judgement….

My first favorite has to be Viola Davis in this incredible, gorgeous green Vera Wang.  While some reviewers thought the pleats at the bottom were too much, IMO they’re perfect, bringing movement into what would have been a rather stiff ensemble (and giving it that “undersea” look that was popular at some of the 2010 fall social events in NYC.) More important to this look is Davis’ natural hair, which complements the look perfectly and sticks it to  the Anglo beauty standard.  In fact, the same reviewer who didn’t like the dress also didn’t like Davis’ hair, saying it was “inappropriate.”  Excuse me!?!  Women should not need to make themselves over to the White Anglo-Saxon Protestant Beauty Standard in order to be beautiful.  We are who we are, and beauty is beauty, even if it ain’t whitey-style.

Next came Octavia Spencer in Tadashi Soji.   It seems that many designers have no idea what to do with a woman who has curves.  Soji has no problem with a woman who has curves *and* isn’t in her late 20′s.  The dress highlights her waist and draws the eye both up to her face and down to the beautiful draping. The simple sleeve makes it elegant, not matronly (unlike Melissa McCarthey’s disaster, which looked better suited to a  middle-aged mother of the bride.)

The last of my faves that I’ll blog about (you can see the others on Pinterest) is this Alexander McQueen gorgeousness on Jessica Chastain.  I’m a sucker for embroidery, and I love the way the bodice embroidery resembles a golden butterfly hovering over a fields that traipse along the bottom of the gown.  Chastain’s soft hair and make-up are the perfect complement to a dress that is an absolute work of art….

And now for my top three worsts–and there were some bad ones….

It pains me to say this because I *love* Melissa McCarthey, and I know a good friend of hers designed this dress for her, but, my god, as someone else said, the designer should be taken out and beat with this dress.  Neither the color–mother of the bride mauve–nor the cut does a darned thing for Melissa.  She needed something that gave her lift, possibly with a short or cap sleeve, and not that fluttery butterfly stuff that’s there.  yuck!  The gathers/ruching/pleats or whatever they are on the bustline are just awful.  If this is the worst thing that happened to Melissa McCarthey this year, then she should pack this dress off to a charity and move on…

What can one say about Kristen Wiig, other than that she might want to consider firing her stylist.  Every time I’ve seen the woman at an awards show, she’s wearing gowns with colors that range from Old Nun’s Pantyhose Nude to Support Hose Beige.  WTF?  Wiig’s an attractive woman, so what’s with the beige?  A nice teal, perhaps.  But please! no more with the beige.

It’s tough picking the last of the worst, because there were a lot of worsts.  Could have been Leah Thompson’s silvery mother of the groom ensemble, to Angelina Jolie’s “legware” (oh, god, I could go on and on about that mess) but I just have to take a stab (literally) at Glenn Close in Zac Pozen.  Ok, we got too much going on here.  We got some fancy stuff going on with the corset-style bodice (anyone other than me getting tired of seeing that style, esp on women who might not ever need to wear a corset?)  to what looks like a painfully tight mermaid skirt.  Not just tight but a tad too long.  Oh, and where do I start with that jacket?  Really? A tuxedo style jacket?  Really??  I’d rather have seen that jacket with a pair of really cool trousers, a drapey low-cut cream or oyster colored shell underneath, and some cool shoes.  It’s just way too much for a fussy mermaid style dress.  yeesh!

Ok, so that clears up the Oscars.  And, as I said, I only have one ensemble from the Grammys to take a swipe at, and I’m only doing that because I really expected more from…..

FERGIE!  Just because it’s Jean Paul Gauthier doesn’t mean it can’t be a hot mess.  and this dress is a serious hot mess.   It’s not just that the word “orange” doesn’t rhyme with anything, but also that orange is a horrific color to match with anything.  Any color other than black would have made it look like a beach cover-up (and quite frankly, shortened up, it would make a super beach cover-up) but then again black under orange makes us think Trick or Treat.  And the only person who got tricked here is Fergie.  I love the woman–she’s a strong performer who truly loves what she’s doing, and it shows in her work.  But wow!  this is just one of the all time awfuls.  How could have it been improved?  A nude or medium pink slip, perhaps?  I’ m not sure even that could have helped it.

 

 

 

 

 

Thom Browne Men’s Fall-Winter 2012/2013 Collection: WTF??

28 Jan

After years and years of women’s designers causing so many of us to ask “WTF is *that*?  I can’t wear that thing!”  Brooks Brothers’ designer Thom Brown has come up with a collection for men that has us asking the same question…

I swear this was styled by Uncle Fester Addams

This is a prime example of the major problem with “designers that so many of us reasonable human beings have with them. So many seem to live in a precious bubble where everyone tells them they’re artists and what they’re doing is “revolutionary” or whatever that they lose sight of the small things: like, practicality. Like nobody’s really going to wear padded shoulders that high. We already did that in the 1980′s. Over, done with, move on. As for this look….:

Browne apparently attended the Alexander McQueen retrospect at the Met over the summer, and afterward was frightened out of his wits by a Lily Pulitzer summer collection (pick a year, those are her colors.) He discovered those high laced lumberjack boots at that great camping supply store in Northampton, and must know that *anybody* can buy scads of brass safety pins at a little shop  in the Garment District for next to nothing!

My friend Jen, who posted a link to this pictorial on Regretsy.com wondered what the models might be thinking that they’re faces are so stern.

I’d hazard a guess that they’re concerned for their modeling careers….

Maybe if there was something *original* in the collection (well, maybe that overblown 1920′s football player look *is* original,) or if it had some kind of story to go along with it, I might be able to place it in a certain context and perhaps see it as artistic expression (but that’s a stretch.)

Sad thing, too, is that I doubt there’s even a club scene to support this kind of look these days. So much of it seems kind of retro Front 242–the black and white stuff anyway. Yet I don’t think there’s that much of a fun, drugged-out, over the top, kinda gothy-industrial, club scene, even in New York, these days. Maybe small parties, but is a guy going to shell out tons of money for an ensemble he can only wear to the premiere of the next John Waters’ film??

Seriously, honey badger! why do that when all one needs to do is hit up Salvation Army and a place where they sell scads of brass safety pins. Really! It’s not all that difficult to copy this look. Unless you’re looking for those embroidered ducks. Then again, a good sewing machine can make those for you too….

I don’t know whether to be horrified or laugh…..

Then again, if I see this stuff in Hot Topic next year, I’ll probably wish I’d been on the bandwagon.  Or not.

More Browne madness at Black Rainbow Extraordinaire magazine

Update: after posting a link to this post on Facebook, one of my friends said the shoulder pads were reminiscent of David Byrne.   Don’t know how I missed that one.   However, this jogged my memory of football motifs and I came up with the Marx Brothers’ film “Horsefeathers.”    I’m sure if I continued to parse out this collection I’d find more kitsch-y pop culture references.  If I’d seen something like this collection emerge from the streets or clubs, yes, I’d say fashion and I’d say fun.  Emerging from some guy’s crazy brain?  Not so much.  More like comedy, less like fashion.